While there are many reasons for relapse and many life experiences that can act as triggers, there is one that is not often discussed. It is almost too obvious for discussion but I believe it is important to bring forward and shed light on. One way clients can get caught up in using without even really knowing why is due to opportunity.
When recovery is focused on “not-using” there are often many external elements helping someone abstain. These could be family expectations, job expectations, or even their own expectations. Using often means that other people will not be happy. While many in addiction want to get better for themselves, often times a part of that desire is to stop hurting others, or even to just get people off their back. Also, when people come to treatment they are given ready-made external boundaries to help keep them from falling prey to their cravings. They have relational and emotional support from both staff and peers. They have the possible consequence of being discharged. Lastly, they have a lot of routine and activities with others. Boundaries and expectations when around others is helpful to stay in check when it comes to not using. But what happens when all of that just goes away instantaneously?
Opportunity.
It becomes a lot harder to not give in to urges when no one else is around. The reason opportunity is such a tantalizing tease is because it presents the person with the ability to use and no one will know. If one’s partner goes away for the weekend and they have all that time to themselves, not accountable to any other duties or people, the freedom to use is strong. Why? Because no one will know. No one will be disappointed. They might not have even been planning it. Sometimes opportunity shows up when they least expect it. This is what makes it a trigger. Bam! All of a sudden they want to use – because they can. It can often feel like freedom: freedom from what they see as constraints around their ability to freely choose using.
It’s as though opportunity carves out a space and time where using is doable with no consequences. This is what the addict mind is rationalizing. This also leads us to understand what is truly necessary for a person in recovery: to act as the author of their own life; making choices and decisions about where they want to go and what they want to get out of life. It cannot just be about “not using.” If one only focuses on “not using” then they will be susceptible to opportunity because “not-using” feels like a restraint instead of a free choice they are making. But if someone is moving toward something new and meaningful in their life, when opportunity arises they will already have other plans, so to speak, and they will also know that it is completely their choice to use or not.
This is a natural human phenomenon. It is hard to always do what is best for us and therefore accountability is helpful. So is having good reason (meaning) for why we do what we do. If not, without accountability and meaning, we are nakedly up against our desires and we all know how strong those are.
